Sparrow Fountain

In Holyport, a sizeable community of some of the last few surviving house sparrows live in the White Hart hedge. Soon after the Trevi fountain was installed, one of their bravest explored the crystal clear cascading falls in search of drinking and bathing facilities. News travelled fast amongst our feathered friends and within days more sparrows attended the fountain to perform their ablutions. Now as the non-summer drifts into autumn, customers at the White Hart can witness the daily spectacle of a veritable flock of sparrows cavorting in the cascading falls of green sludge, algae and birdshit. The Trevi fountain has since been renamed by the management to Sparrow fountain and that's official.

Farewell cruel beer garden

The old joke where the terminally ill man is advised by his doctor that he only has two weeks to live to which he replies - "Can you make that the last two weeks in August?" is clearly not relevant or funny in 2007.

The summer is now so depressing that even the parasols are attempting to commit suicide.

Back in your stand you naughty parasol!!! What will the neighbours think?

Turn right at the sorter no I mean left

This item of mail informing me of my pass code to log in to the M&J Seafood web site was decapitated by the Post Office. Good job M&J Seafood had already sent me an e-mail days earlier informing me of the same thing.

Civic Amenities

Despite the weather, transfixed locals peer in amazement as Ron Manager demonstrates the latest stick-shift, drive by wire pubfinder software on board his new (HD Ready) Honda Cyril.

Allez les bleus!!!

Having won two hospitality tickets to England France I thought it rude not to attend with the keen tippler. A somewhat tame game followed the gluttony session and the game was won by a try from the French Jesus cave troll - Sebastian Chabal. I was surprised the England fans only chant in their repertoire was a rather feeble 'Swing Low', and many of those petered out after the first line. A good dose of 'Ooo are ya!!! Ooo are ya!!! or any one of the many heard at most premiership football games on a Saturday afternoon woudn't have gone a miss.

Papparazzi

Following routine digital teeth whitening treatment, ex-barmaid Turtle is caught sunbathing topless in the back garden. Next thing the picture is all over the national newspapers. Outrageous!!

Good news

For members of the booby club (of which I am patron) - staring at a fine chest is good for men's health - its official!